Living is frustrating, isn’t it? I mean what’s the point of this life? Always being led by the breeze, floating, helpless, sometimes trying to be a rebel without a cause. Sometimes, trying to dream, be that dream just for a minute, just for a second or even less than that. But there is no dream, is there? There is just delusion. You don’t have it in you. You just don’t. You keep telling yourself that you can do it until you think you believe it but then you never really do and finally you give up. I know, I know, I know, I am talking bullshit here, ain’t I? This is not going on a positive direction. You think? Why am I even trying to impose my own spoiled mood on you? You didn’t wake up to read this kind of shit. Remember 2018 is the year you resolved to stay away from this negativity. The truth, however, is you can’t stay away. Denying is more painful than simply accepting. So accept it. You will experience an unusual kind of freedom. It’s not like I am not fighting, you know. I think I still have energy to put on a brave and bold face and occasionally shout, “Shut up!” to this babbling brain. I still have some calories to spare for this kind of cool shit. But it’s not always easy being that person. Like today.
However, here’s another thing though – when you try to think of a life without a dream, you realize that it is even more pathetic. Getting up, doing some weird kind of work without will and without heart. Every morning brings another headache and every evening you cheerfully bid adieu to another pathetic day with a few cocktails swirling inside you and generating a temporary feeling of euphoria. Before you know it, you are already an alcoholic or a pothead. Some people get away with more socially acceptable and non hazardous ways – they hide in books, movies and TV series. Sometimes, I feel that the whole entertainment industry is kind of dubious in its motives. Why do we need entertainment at all? What are we trying to distract ourselves from? Umm..our own lives? Of course, it’s a shallow way of thinking. We are not always distracting ourselves, are we? Sometimes, we are just looking for new ideas and inspiration. The kind of ideas that complete us, maybe?
Anyway, it’s not quite awesome – living like this. You are happy and in another moment you are bombarded with the reasons you shouldn’t be happy. Because there is always, always, always so much to do. All those things that we need to do but we never actually do. Why? Make a choice woman! If it’s too difficult, then choose something else to do. Choose something that you think you can do. Really. If you feel it is doable, then fucking do it! Why aren’t you? What is stopping you? Just fucking give it all your shot. You are the one who made the choice, remember? You wanted this! But we won’t do that. What we would do instead is write a bullshit post like this and laugh. Hahahaha. Joke’s on you, miss. Well, shut the fuck up.
Why are we such asshole to our own selves? I don’t get it really. Fucking take the things that you think you deserve. Look them in the eye and tell those people that you fucking deserve it and they will be convinced. They will be. The hardest part is convincing your own self. It is such a useless war. Well, like all wars. How are we so important and not important at the same time? Sometimes, life seems as insignificant as an unused 2017 executive diary. We are flooded with despair when life makes us appear tinier than a speck of dust in a speck of dust. Individualism – they tell you how important you are. Are we really? We just want to be important. And sometimes, we don’t want to be important. We want to know. But we don’t want to know. We want to want. But we don’t want to want. Because if there is indeed something you really want, then why the fuck are you not doing anything about it. If you want it, get it. Keep trying unless you have it. Yeah, these words look pretty as an instagram post. Not so much in life. I am a fucking hypocrite.
Ah, it’s not simple – being human. It can be simple. But brain, brain, brain, brain. Why do we keep repeating the same mistakes our whole lives? We do things we didn’t really want to do and then we keep wondering about the stuff we wanted to do. Boring. Boring. Boring. I curse my life. It is not boring. It is anything but boring but I can’t see it another way. If I perceive it to be too exciting, somebody’s gonna come along the way and hammer some senses into my thick skull about how it’s really not. Oh my important fucking life, my important, important, important life that I wish to keep talking about. But really you don’t give a fuck. You are waiting for me to shut up now. You want to talk about your own life – agreeing, disagreeing, presenting a copied idea as your own. Shameless bastards, all of us. Mass produced industrial product – with the same fucking ingredients, same fucking taste, same fucking packaging. We are all the same. There are selected few who are not but they are produced in another sophisticated and elite factory altogether. We, on the other hand, are those low quality cheap products that supermarkets are bombarded with. We come in identical bottles just with a different date of manufacturing and expiry dates. Sometimes, even those are same.
But even a bottle can have a story. Can it not? I want to believe that it can. Get up. Get up. Get the fuck up. Ask yourself again. What do you want? Ask yourself again if you really want it. If the answer is yes, go for it all the way. Don’t be another bottle with the same conveyor belt to getting rotten in the fridge story .
Actually no, you are that another bottle already.
Or maybe there is still hope.
Whatever makes you happy, man. Whatever makes you happy.