I sit on the commode of my locked bathroom,
Ignoring my problems
That knock on my door
“Hey, are you coming out?” they ask
“Yup, in 2 minutes. Or days.”
I am wondering
Whether to shit
Whether to bathe
Whether to die –
They come in all shapes & sizes,
These knocks, these problems
Fiction & Nonfiction
Irrelevant & Important
Impulses and Oversimplified extrapolation
Some are short-lived
Some stay for a long time
Some come and go
And come and go
And come and go
Some visit me frequently as if they love me
And l love them back
How long can I go on hiding from them?
Not much, I know
These movies, this music,
These musings in the toilet
These books and poems,
The to-do lists & planners,
Latches and locks
But not the solutions
How long can I go on?
I need to open that door.

Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Your relationships.

Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Your career.

Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Your health.

Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
A gigantic pimple.

Knock. Knock.
Who’s there?
Your bank account.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Your addiction.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A pandemic.

Knock, knock.
Shut up.
Shut up who?
Shut up you.

Dancing around my porch, my problems,
My privileged and pretty little problems,
They must be wondering what a party it is
While I try to poop in my toilet
Wondering how they are the real party poopers.
Enough talk about shit.
I am supposed to find purpose somewhere in this problem party

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wars.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Poverty.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Climate change.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Extinction.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
Who gives a shit who.

So I shit a bit longer
wondering if I am the who
who at all gives a shit,
dwelling in the washroom
while the party goes on outside.
Terrified of the ugly world
I can see beauty in the closing walls of this tiny refuge.
Why shall I entertain them?
Why shall I be stuck in this endless circle of
Problem-solving, and problematizing the solution
What do I get out of it?
Is the purpose worth the price I pay?
And by the way,
when & why was I even pushed into it?
Did anyone ask if I was up for it?
But dear, your problematic life is bliss you see!
You get a lifetime of beautiful experiences that you need to let go of in the end.
Or perhaps you’d realize it was all for the greater good as a barren planet billions of years later
Anyway, there is nothing to be missed about this,
The pleasure and the pain,
Even if it is, we can tell you that nothing goes in vain.

Great.

Knock. Knock!
“Anthropocene age is coming to an end. Are you going to miss this shitting in the toilet?”
“Has it really been that long?”
“No, it has just been really fast. Come out!”
“No.”
“We’ve got alcohol.”
“And?”
“And some other stuff.”
“And?”
“Yeah, that too.”

Great, time to escape.

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