On Love

Dear man of my dreams,
Stop ghosting me
(at least send me a meme)
that is if you yourself are not a ghost-
Give me a sign if you exist!
And if you are going to be late,
Don’t worry, I can wait
but if you are never going to come,
If you are dead already
Or if you were never born,
Can you somehow still let me know so that I can move on?

8 billion people on this planet-
Many of them married,
some live in North Korea, some in jails,
but still there must be many eligible bachelors out there…
They say I should perhaps
Look again into those dating apps
Dig deeper
Search harder
Further and farther;
Dates
after dates
after dates
after dates
I’ve met new strangers, new lovers,
new friends, new fuckers
new followers, new unfollowers,
But where the hell are you?

As my friends
and colleagues
and the whole wide world on Instagram’s getting married
finding so much love
and love
and love
and love
(And God, they are so much in love)
I am fearing what if I am missing out?
I want to try saying I love you to an actual person
That you, my darling, are the one
Who for a change is not my own reflection.

I call you man of my dreams
even though you have never once appeared in one
Meaning, says Marvel,
not just this Universe you don’t exist in any Universe.
Look, I don’t mind dying alone
Many people have done that happily
And I am sure I can be one of them too
But are you sure you are not there?

Are you, god forbid, one of those guys
whose ‘Hys’ I never bothered to reply?
Are you one of those I have been ignoring?
Because I think you are a bit too boring?
How am I supposed to know if I actually meet you?
Will there be violins in the background that will set us in a daze?
While my hair blows in slow motion and you can’t help but gaze?
Shouldn’t there be a clue
that tells me if I am meant to be with you?

You will know, Saloni
You will just know, they tell me
That is, of course, if we ever meet
That is, of course, if you are there
I am starting to think maybe you are not…
If you are looking for a sign for you to send me a sign
Can this qualify as one?
It’s not great, but it’s better than none.
I am not really sure if this is how it works
But if it works,
Dear man of my dreams
find me or let me find you
And let us find love…
And love
And so much of love
That we’d spam their feed so bad
they’d regret us finding each other.

**

On losing things

. It starts small
with a tiny wormhole at the bottom of your purse
Sucking your hair clips
your rubber band
your pens
your masks
your peace of mind…

And the wormhole gets bigger
your helpless regretful forgetfulness
engulfs your scarf
your earphones
your wallet
or your beloved water bottle
that you left at the restaurant
in the auto
in the mall
at the hotel
in the train
where it was finally lost for good.

About time we close the wormhole
but damn,
it only gets bigger
sucking your gold earrings
your car keys
your phone
your ATM card
your job
and your sleep.

Oh fuck you,
Will you stop?
Of course not, will upgrade!
Why just things?
When we can also lose trust
or your hope, or your health
or your time
A minute, an hour, a year
or an entire lifetime.
Let’s lose people
your ex
your friendships
your relationships
a person you loved the most
or a few
or maybe just you.

Where do I find them?
My time,
My memories,
My people,
Scattered in bits and pieces
in places I can no longer visit
How do I ever find them again,
my lost things, my lost self
that I miss so much?

**