Conversations, we are having it over tea, maybe over a puff of Marlboro, maybe over coffee, maybe over that dinner which I am too busy to eat because I am listening to you. Conversations, maybe the reason why I accepted your friend request or swiped you right or went on all those dates or made that first remark about the weather piercing through our awkward silence.Conversations, the ones that happen over moons, over  rainy days, over crazy dreams, over out of the blue topics, over craziest ideas, over craziest people whom we might or might not even know. Conversations, when I have lent you my full attention even when you are talking about things that I do not really understand. Conversations, when you make no sense at all and yet I am amazed by your expressions and by the passionate way you try to explain. Conversations,when you leave me in awe with your knowledge of things that I never knew existed. Conversations, when you tell me those anecdotes that couldn’t have happened even in movies. Conversations, when you say something funny and I can’t stop laughing. Conversations, when it is a perfectly scary night to share horror stories. Conversations when you weave the words just the right way and I suddenly fall madly in love with you. Conversations, at odd hours when eventually I watch you fall asleep in my lap. Conversations, when we argue about trivial things and I am laughing inside at our stupidity. Conversations, about things that I will tell noone but you. Conversations, when I can look in your eyes and see no judgement attached whatsoever. Conversations, when you try to mend my broken heart. Conversations, when your words inspire me and give me hope to begin again. Conversations, when in the middle, out of nowhere, it hits me how special you are. Conversations, when in your idiosyncrasy, I find my own identity. Conversations, when in your weirdness, I find a connection that I can’t let go of.

Conversations, the ones I wish I never had. Conversations, where you twist the one right word the wrong way and I am drenched in fury. Conversations, overshadowed by expectations, those that are too heavy to rescue me from hatred and unnecessary pain. Conversations, appropriately clever ones, the ones that manipulate me into doing something wrong without I being aware of it (until it’s too late) Conversations, that reek of my lost self esteem. Conversations, when I am conned, when I am disgusted, when I resolve to never talk to you again. Conversations, where you seem so brilliant that I jump out of sanity and drown myself in jealousy. Conversations, the ones I have never had and I would regret that throughout my life. Conversations, the ones I should have but I am too stupid and young to realize that. Conversations, which are precious but I might never know. Conversations which are non existent and utterly useless and yet they have my head occupied. Conversations, which kill dreams and aspirations and I let them. Conversations, which I am dying to have but I can’t form the sentences right. Conversations that draw you so close to me and those that throw you thousands of miles away.

Conversations. Self destructive as it may be but I am just a sucker for conversations.