Death is a frequent visitor

Death is a frequent visitor
I have seen him walking  by from time to time,
Sometimes I gaze at him through my window,
Hide immediately when he glances back,
Sometimes at my neighbor’s, he drops by,
And with a charming smile he waves me hi,
Like a teen-aged girl my heart flutters
And a moment later it screams in horror,
And like that with a minuscule gesture,
he throws my life out of order.

Death is a frequent visitor
Always, he arrives alone,
But doesn’t mind the company when he later departs,
Together giggling and making merry
He tags them all along on an unknown journey,
Death tells them not to look at the porch where mothers and daughters lay sobbing,
Death tells them not to think of fathers or sons or friends or wives,
Carefully, they all now have been cut out of their nonexistent lives,
Happily they agree,
For nobody disagrees with death,
Charming, attractive, combination of rare beauty,
Once enticed, his hypnotism can’t be broken…
Words contradicting him can never be spoken.

Death is a frequent visitor
And yet he is still a fantasy,
I saw him in my backyard,
Suddenly he came and went,
Befriended a man I had once known,
Now he exists only in memories.
Death once dropped by for a cup of tea,
Looked at us all from head to toe,
Picked out the healthiest one and walked him out the door,
Touched my arm as he left,
Felt his breath on my neck,
His cold fingers,
His gorgeous face,
Tears ran down my cheeks but I saw glee in his beautiful eyes,
Forever lost the same in my own; I covered it with happy disguise.

Death is a frequent visitor yet he surprises every time,
Makes you praise all those beautiful poems which would never again ever rhyme.

A writer’s delight

I would like to pour you on to the phrases of my writings;
Carelessly, till the pages are soaked wet with you,
You might worship me or might not even recall my name,
But I would still endlessly use your metaphors in my poems…
Wrapped (or strangled?) in the loving arms of my words,
I would like to place you together with fragments of my utterly diverse emotions,
A careful blend of imagination and honesty,
And noone could ever guess who you could be (not even you).
And I might succumb to the sanity of senescence,
But I would like to make sure that you never age,
Slowly and steadily as you get drenched in the ink of my pen,
I would like to give you a snippet of my ending life
while I take away your mortality forever and beyond.

Hope you don’t mind.

I wish I had some courage

I wish I had the courage to declare myself eccentric, to talk to myself in public ; loudly and clearly, to quit my job, to truly hate it and draw inspiration from that hatred, to be determined enough to never succumb to it again, to dream relentlessly or not to dream at all, to accept the world for how it is; not how it should be, and if the world is not acceptable then to take up the responsibility of being the change, to do things I feel like doing, to live through impulses, to travel and get lost, to leave myself entirely and then be rediscovered, to criticize and not be likeable, to have my heart speak through my voice and not by my unheard thoughts, to tell someone that he is special, either that or that I don’t like him at all, to not be bothered by the fictional thoughts of others, to greet strangers like old comrades, to smile on a shittiest day, to share my deepest pain, to wail in the middle of a street, to be vulnerable, for once at least (and then suddenly find the strength), to learn things that I am too old to learn, to applaud myself if needed and not care if called conceited, to not let anything deprive me of my esteem or respect, to love without fearing that one might reject, to be visible and not be conscious if seen, to be able to say things that I truly mean,  to not heed the delusive stories spun by my mind, to revere happiness and not be scared of its disappearance if acknowledged, to not care about money, or my own irrelevance, to not hate myself or life or fate, to love the face that stares back in the mirror, to accept who I am and not compare, to be the unadulterated myself completely and be it even if it is the stupidest thing to be.

I wish I had the courage. I wish I had just a little courage to do the things I wish.

To April, among other things

It’s hot now. I smell dust and deodorant covered sweat in the air. I smell cigarettes and mint. I smell tea and something sad in the irrelevant office gossips & back bitching. I smell my own selfishness and stupidity. My heart stinks. My safety shoes stink as well and so do my feet. My office Canteen has a distinct smell of its own. Anyway, it’s chole again. I smell Aluzinc in my hands, so I wash them. Now, they reek of dettol. Also,Quarter one has  ended, it smells of missed targets and unacheived goals. But anyway, Second quarter has begun and it smells of April!
April?
We get that your olfactory senses have heightened tremendously turquoise ink, but what does April smell like?

April. Well, April reeks of nostalgia, of the fresh pages of my new textbooks,
of the benches of my new class, of the perfume of my new class teacher, of the shining new brown cover of my notebooks, of new pens and pencils, of ink, of erasers with perfect edges, of my polished shining shoes, of fresh cut grass of the playground, of my friend’s lunchboxes that I had longed for almost a month now, of my own lunchboxes, of the beautiful blooming trees of Amaltas and Gulmohar, of mangoes, of my newly stitched Prussian blue skirt and clean ironed white shirt, of lame April fool jokes, of my new crush, of the fevicol we use in SUPW class which never happens again through out the rest of the year, of recess, of the carpet of my music class, of my new sketchbook, of my class’s notice board that needs to be decorated with new works of art, of my perfect little alum crystals, of the first poem of Hindi textbook and the first English story by Ruskin Bond, of the excitement running through my arteries that I am trying not to show too much and my unsuccessful desire to make the new year go perfectly.

That’s how April smells to me. Oddly and sadly perfect.