A brief note on valentine’s day

(And how that’s not what this really is)

Don’t really get what we want from relationships these days. On one hand, we want to skip the whole tiresome bullshit of “whether-he-likes-me-or-not” and we don’t want to go through the awkwardness of all those dates; the unnecessary questions intended to conceal the true intentions which by the way is known to both the parties! But still on the other hand, we would go through all the pretentiousness again, not trying to judge but judging anyway, agreeing and disagreeing and then agreeing to meet again and then spending hours (Mind you! Hours!) trying to ensure it’s the right kind of weirdness, the compatible kind, the cute kind, the appropriate cheesy kind, not the creepy kind, not the clingy kind, not the too desperate kind. Who wants all this bogus process? God! We want honesty! We want directness! We want truth and a certain kind of frankness. We want certainty, not the I-don’t-knows!
But of course, when we do get all these that we seem to want, a strict no beating around the bush things, we are offended! How dare he says stuff like that!
Weird, isn’t it? We can’t tolerate it. We don’t want the drama but we want the drama. We don’t want to be exhausted again but we want to be exhausted. Despite not wanting it, we want the formalities, the sanskaar and the skillful talking. We might not even want him but we want him to want us!  We want nothing but we want everything! Has this always been this complicated? Is that even worth all the energy and all the time? The frequent uselessness and the occasional usefulness of it is harrowing. Get what I am saying?

And it doesn’t stop there! Relationships! And boys! Hah—

He tells you that he loves you and you tell him that you don’t. You not being able to reciprocate is you being a serial friend-zoner of course.

Your willingness to meet him again and again, your pleasure reflected in your smile when you see him do not count. But you not sending the first texts makes you an attention-seeker of course.

The way he disappears in the midst of a conversation, the way he can be sweet and indifferent as he pleases, the way he treats you as a malleable entity do not count. But you not returning his calls makes you the heartless bitch of course.

It’s okay for him to like you but not like you enough to be anything beyond the friend who comes with certain kind of benefits but you doing the same makes you a slut. But also you being emotionally involved makes you desperate and needy of course.

When he likes seeing you but doesn’t like being seen with you and that just makes him “a bit concerned about the privacy” which is so okay but you doing the same makes you offensive of course.

Being a girl, they say, gives you an edge in the relationships. That’s right and it’s okay for him to push you off that edge but if you fall it’s just you being stupidly careless, of course—

So, I guess what you are trying to say is that girls and guys, all over the planet, are too confused and  too busy following the notions of patriarchy to be involved in meaningful relationships…

You think too much voice-in-my-head! I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are looking at the phone screen waiting for it to blink with a notification that’s going to make your heart flutter. Don’t. Drink a beer instead and have a very happy valentine’s day!

How original of you to post something like this on 14th February!

Thanks! Hope you know my originality springs from you, brain!



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