humour, Poetry

The one about Tinder

SO, how does it work?
In this so-called ocean of gender inequality
You swipe right and I swipe left
You swipe right and I swipe left
You swipe right and I swipe left
You swipe right and I swipe left
I swipe you right, you swipe me right
Why am I not surprised?
It’s a match!
Such a good ego boost, Eh!
But then we are not going to talk, are we?
For some weird anti-feminist reason, I am bound by the oath of not sending the first Hi
So no pressure but it’s entirely you on whom we both rely,
Oh wait, there’s your message!
Finally!
Quite probable that we are never going to get past ‘What’s up’s and ‘Nothing much’s
Sometimes we might, just might, reach beyond “What do you do?”
Honestly, I don’t have a clue
But “I am an engineer” I would say
Few Whens, Whos, Whats later you might ask if I am single by the way,
Yes, wouldn’t be here otherwise
So, I don’t get why is it a surprise
Anyway, I am tired of answering these standard questions
I wish you had asked a few different ones!
Some matches ahead, lies finally on my screen
a question, a suggestion that I had never seen
Cool! You have my attention now
Probably more than I would ever admit
I am a bit tensed
And Careful brain! We must be witty!
We must sound smart
Let me check my profile again
Do I look good?
I do, right?
And you, Ah you!
Careful with the pick up lines dude…
That’s a risky border there
Don’t get too cheesy
He is the roommate of creepy
Just be adequately sarcastic
A bit of flirting would be fantastic
You can correct me when I am wrong
But not too much
You can be a bit weird
But no innuendos so soon as such
Sound intelligent please
Whichever way is fine
But don’t ask for my number too soon
I might politely decline.
Or could be that I would text those 10 delightful (dreadful?) digits to you
More notifications on WhatsApp, Yayy!
What now, then?
More ‘Hi’s and ‘Good morning’s?
Eventually to which I might stop replying
Or maybe we would move ahead
A movie to watch or something to dine?
Should we meet?
Should we eat?
Would a cup of coffee do?
Which day would be preferred by you?
Your excitement is exciting
In my wildest dreams, we are spending an amazing night together already,
Ahhh!
Where are your Sanskaars girl?
Using this Besharam app?
There at a distance stands me with three decades of generation gap.
And now moving back and forth
The usual debate on my character
And meanwhile…
Shut down that porn in my head!Would you?
So, yes, there’s another possibility
Could be, could be, could be
you are super duper creeped out by me…
And why not?
Besides my ahem! Weirdly unconventional thoughts
You can spot me talking to stray dogs or flowerpots
Or to footpaths, to cows, to children I don’t know
To the branches above and those irritating crows
Did I pretend to be too sophisticated?
Oh! I am not
Opposite of it definitely
You might suddenly find yourself stringed amongst exaggerated words
And in another moment, you might receive just a mere shrug of indifference
Maybe you didn’t sign up for that
Maybe I didn’t sign up for this
Nevertheless, for us to be together on the same page…
Haha!
Nope!
You would be serious
And I could just be playing
Or I wanted a relationship
And you just wanted a company
Or a hook up
Or not even that
Just nothing
But a series of vestigial conversations that’s all!
Funny isn’t it?
So, what did you think?
You would find someone to marry through this crap?
Oh Hi again! Miss three-decades-of-generation-gap!
Miss, you don’t have to act so elderly now! Chill!
Just look at this ending conversation oh!
Fading, fading and fading
My temporary obsession extinguishing
Not even proper good byes
And no, definitely not we will be meeting again
There’s a momentary void, that’s all, no emotions, no pain…
But then, listen!
It’s not a bad ending
For what it’s worth – Here’s the catch;
Darling, there would be another match!

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