Mountains and Valleys


Mountains and Valleys;
As I walk across the crowded narrow roads,
Wondering if the trees are too tall
Or the leaves are too green,
Wondering about the animals and birds I have never seen
Trails, stones and grass and leaves
The red roofs and the pretty homes
The monks dressed in red and yellow
The flowers smeared in purple and white,
Snow and glacier, a blissful distant sight,
There’s music in my head
Not the usual octaves
There are dreams in the air,
Such happiness in the unheard sound waves!
Desperately, Oh so desperately!
Let me cling on to the forever of this present,
Let the time run slow
Let the past be gone
I and I, in this moment, let’s just be selfish and not care,
Let’s breath and live and love and let us just  be aware…
Of this blissful peace that we can’t take in,
Of this stunning beauty that is beyond our grasp
A pair of lens won’t capture what eyes can see
A pair of lens won’t tell what we can feel –
The smell of soil smeared on my shoes and my socks,
The tingle of beetle walking on my palm
The pain in my feet when I step over stones
My heart pounding as I walk along the ribbon beautifully spiralled across you,
And yet my ears find symphony in the distant chirping of birds,
my legs hurt, my head spins,
And I am drowning in you
In the deepest of depth, not yearning to be saved…
Good lord! God must have been a sadist!
Why  did you create us when you could create something like this?
To ruin, to destroy, to regret and to deny!
Good lord! God must have been an artist!
A sucker for appreciation, a sucker for some applause!
Knowing the grave consequences and yet creating the cause!

Milestones, along life and along the roads, filled with anticipation and reminiscence,
A cold night of death and pain and miraculous renaissance,
Let me count the stars tonight, both above and below,
Let me sit in the dark and shiver in the cold,
Let me feel the comfort of the pain in my calves and in my heart,
Let me wrap you around as a blanket tonight and weep in your arms,
My tears are of joy, don’t be concerned, if at all you are,
Let me measure the distance in millimeters tonight when finally you are no longer far.

Now you are just a series of images in my head –
Missing out the details my brain carelessly ignored
How do I personify you?
Can a person really be as beautiful as you?
How do I explain the bittersweet memories?
Now you are just a possible food for conversation,
Just a code embedded in the silicon,
Just a checked item in the list,
Just another dust in the mist.

Forgive me if you can,
If I tell you that I too have stolen some traits from you,
Ups and lows
Mountains and valleys
My thoughts and my mind
My mind and my heart
Forgive me if you can
If I tell you that I too have stolen the reason for your creation –
Colliding tectonic plates of impulses
Forgive me if you can
If I tell you that I too call myself as unpredictable as you are
I react without complex brain operations after all,
Forgive me if you can
But I dare not juxtapose your beauty on me
Who am I in front of you?
A moving dot of red and black!
Don’t mistake my camparison for conceit
How can I ever inherit your charm or murderous instincts?
Your perfections and imperfections
You are the breathing existence of an incredible irony
An oxymoron magnified
So forgive me if you can
If I don’t sound like an admirer or even  a sound critic
I wouldn’t be surprised if you call me jealous
I am not an ideal lover, never was, never will be
but that is how I love you
I can’t tell you how much
I can’t tell you since how long
but I would just like to leave this mad proposal hanging in that cool calming wind
Where the sound of my thoughts mixed in the rustle of leaves,
in the sounds of the sheeps and shepherds,
I would leave this unheard for you to hear
with tears running down my cheeks
with the words I did not speak,
with the hate filling up my head as I thought of things I shouldn’t have,
and with the way I miss you now when you are part of the past,
Hoping  that you will forgive and understand…
That I love you, always have, always will
with the first painting of my first drawing book, to now and to forever.

5 thoughts on “Mountains and Valleys

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