Let’s not get started with women and woman empowerment stuff. That is not important.
You know what is important? What is simply indispensable? These people; the ones I am going to talk about. The noble people. The sons of gods. The extra-ordinary. The cosmic. The colossal. Let me uncover the invisible pieces of their exquisite non-existent mind before you;
Part-1: Delayed image processing.
It’s not like that we like to stare. We don’t. There are other things in our lives too. Like–
Okay, we don’t. But that is not the point, the point is that the main culprit here is the image processing system in our heads.
See, how can you expect us to make sense out of the images we see with our exceptionally dysfunctional brains? We have to feed the information in our impeccably slow brains for long long time and then and only then the meaning is decoded and delivered to us. We are not able to make sense out of this delivered message even but that is not we are talking about here. Our point is; We stare because we don’t have any other choice. We are handicapped. Please understand that.
Secondly, since we were raised in sewers we never got to know who females were.So, when we came to the ground it was unbelievable!There is something called woman? What? Since when?
Part-2: Limited vocabulary.
The reason that we stick to whistling or “Hey! sweetie!” or “Hi! darling!” is that we don’t know any other words. For having a good vocabulary in any language, you gotta be smart or average or even a little below average. But there is no scope for null IQ anywhere.
It doesn’t matter though. Why do you need a vocabulary? Why do you need any kind of IQ? Or education for that matter? It’s useless! It’s just absurd!
Given a chance we would bring the literacy rate of the country down to zero. There is no use. All the guys in the world need to go out on the streets with their bikes and have fun with girls walking around. Come on! Man! THAT IS LIFE! THAT IS ADVENTURE!
Part-3; Who are females?
Err… The thing with the hair and the breasts and the butts, we guess?
Part-4: The eternal entertaining element.
This bollywood, TV serials, Novels ( Wait. What are novels?)etc, etc is not entertainment. It’s nothing compare to what we do.
When we whistle at the girl passing by or throw chits at her or call her names or comment on her, follow her and make her life a living hell , that is the moment when we feel that ultimate thrill. That irritated look on her face and Oh! What it does to us! Amazing! Man! Amazing!
We will tell you a secret- We know from the empty head of ours that behind that irritation and anger , she is blushing. That tears in her eyes are of joy. Inside she is going stark raven mad with happiness. It’s so obvious. Our dysfunctional brains are never wrong in detecting these inner truths.
You are in love with this girl! You have got to know her don’t you? Yes, she doesn’t love you ( or so she says). She has yelled at you, spat at you and told you to just fuck off but does that mean anything?
Absolutely fucking not.
That, my friend, is the beginning of the chase. That is the beginning of your love story!
Part-6; Handling criticism.
Yeah, well, people are just jealous.
You know how they get.
Roaming on bikes on the street all day and ‘entertaining’ our selves- that is our purpose. We- Doing any sensible work that could help in building the economy of the country? GOD FORBID!
We are not going to waste our precious time on anything like that.
What we do is a high profile life. Even Harvard graduates dream of that.
People can say whatever fuck they want but we are no ordinary people. We are assholes. The assholes. And they are just, like we said, jealous.
Part-7; The fears and insecurity.
We express our selfless love to them and they just reject us. Outright. Just like that. That is rude.
It’s an insult. A blow to our self respect.
Gotcha! Self respect? What the hell is that? Screw “self” what the hell is Respect?
Never mind. We are not interested in knowing anyway.
Part-8; Future plans.
We plan to have some kids though we have been strongly advised not to procreate. Why you ask?
Our genes are so exceptional, so explosive, so good that world might be in a threat of too much goodness. Our progeny will carry this threat with them. So we have a choice of to be or not to be a hero.
We don’t know. We are still confused. We want some kids but then we need a wife for that.
Even though we are one of a kind, our proposals have been turned down over and over. Finding a wife is difficult. These women, we treat them with dignity and this is how they pay us back!
As of now, we don’t have any future plans, We might end up being the hero, who knows?
Part-9; How does it feel to be a huge liability.
Well, in the end, I have to mention that people I am ….
And you guys are worth some applause.