How (not) to be an Engineer

To become an Engineer
you become a rat first
then you become a hard drive
you try to learn from the great minds of the past
Newton, Einstein, Maxwell, Heisenberg
you try to learn all the fancy concepts
chemical Bonds, optics, mechanics, electricity
theories after theories,
equations after equations,
if you are lucky,
if you are the selected few,
who instinctively knew,
you may dream of being a human again.

Two years of struggle;
They will lie it’s the hardest you will ever go through
no TV, no cable, no internet
your friends – your books, your pens,
your daily practice sheets
then the D day comes
with its gigantic stamp
You, to score 130 are smart
you, to score 129 are dumb
unless you have a quota,
in that case, you will do just fine.

Congratulations, you’ve somehow made it.
You have officially entered the paradise.

Really?
No.

The two years you spent preparing for a “good ” engineering college,
they forgot to tell you what an engineer is
four years you are going to learn engineering
they will again forget to tell you what an engineer is.

Semesters after semesters,
as you get introduced to new theories, new formulae, and new ways of life
there is Laplace transformation,
and there is your transformation too-
a drastic one
red eyes, and long hair,
you listen to Pink Floyd now
they will blame you for your “wrong” habits,
for you slipping grades,
for your lack of respect,
for everything that is wrong with your life,
and everything that is wrong with their lives too.
But they can’t be blamed for the most important thing they forgot to teach
the most important thing that the internet and books can’t teach you
Character, motivation, inspiration, a dream.

No, No, No,
too easy to blame it on the system
so blame it on yourself
convince yourself you are not worth it-
there’s always that one student,
who kills himself or definitely tries to,
there is still nothing wrong with our education of course.
You continue mugging up theories
that you vomit later on the answer sheets,
After all those grades tell you if you are an engineer or not.
They mostly tell you how well you cheated.
Or in case, you are one of those good ones,
they tell you how well you licked a book.
Was it not about understanding how nature works?
Was it not about building cool creative stuff?
Was it not about being an artist of machines?
We were supposed to help humanity
and all we learnt was
to make money the fastest way.
at best.
Chasing numbers after numbers.
Chasing meaningless milestones after another.
Where was love?
I only saw desperation
I only saw insecurity.

And next thing you know
is that there are some lame ass people
from some lame ass companies judging you
whether you are good enough to be exploited.

Two results:
some people see through your bullshit and tell you to fuck off right away
some people see through your bullshit and tell you to fuck off after you are hired.

It’s a cause for celebration
Welcome to paradise.

Really?
No, welcome to corporate slavery.

I am not an engineer anymore,
just a degree holder
(for which I didn’t even get any graduation)
They say
‘God! you are such a cliche.’
The best you can do with your degree now is
to cut them into small pieces
and make roaches out of them.
Actually that’s not the best thing I can do,
the best thing I can do is it roll the whole thing and kill cockroaches
and say that I use my degree to kill cockroaches.
‘Is that a metaphor?’ you ask. ‘You obviously mean the cockroaches of the society, right?’
No, cockroaches. Actual cockroaches.
I like to crush them with my degree.
Just like my degree crushed me,
my confidence, my esteem, my self-worth.

‘But hey,
By the way,
Why did you want to be an Engineer anyway?’
I don’t know my friends thought it was cool,
my parents thought that it was cool too,
it wasn’t though
it was their convenience
and mine too.
I became an engineer
because there was nothing else I could do
too smart to be an artist
too impatient to be a doctor
too ignorant to be a lawyer
And then I failed.
They tell me it’s because I didn’t study
I agree.
But it’s not the exams I am talking about.
All my milestones were mirages.
My ego-centric survival technique, a sham
Maybe I will move on.
Maybe I won’t.
Maybe all the stupid conditioning will wear off.
Maybe it won’t.
And maybe they will realise-
that they are educators, mentors, role models,
not mere lecturers
or a malfunctioning judgmental Google.
Maybe someday they will ask
What the fuck are we teaching our youth anyway?

Or maybe, most probably, they won’t.
But will you?

*

The tales of torture; Brain chronicles-I

“Our brain and his post graduation degree in “forgetting honors”

Sometimes, I try to stroll through the lush green shiny memory lanes of mine and then I realize that there are no lanes to cross at all. Forget green or shiny or beautiful or dull or the only adjective that remains applicable is extinct.

Why brain? Why u no remember?

It’s not just a sad little complain emerging out of the corpse(s) of answer sheet(s) bloodied with red ink marks and big big “F(s)” or 0s. There is more non-exam aspects associated with this issue. Memories! Who does not want memories? And since it is excruciatingly painful to have a big blank black paper instead of some vivid images of past, I have tried communicating to the administration above many times regarding the same ;

To
The Director
Institute of Memories
Brain

Subject: We need to talk.

I know you don’t like me (though I can’t say why). So many of you commit suicide the moment I make you enter the beautiful palace of my brain. Am I so disgusting? Is my brain so filthy? I don’t get it. And that’s why we need this talk.

I am a nice person. I would never ever harm you. You are pretty well acquainted with that fact. Then, why do you have to abandon me every time? Do you have any idea how despondent I’ve grown because of your rapid extinction! I miss you. I just mean comfortable lives for you. No harm. No SUICIDES. Is there anything that can be done to make this possible? I can’t tolerate my helplessness anymore. 

But you don’t get it, do you? You and your weird kinds!

You just have to leave me deserted and never tell me why. Well, fuck you.

Okay, maybe not. Definitely not. I take that back! I take that back! But here’s the thing – The truth is that I need you. I love you. Why don’t you get it? Why do you have to suicide-zone me? Stay there with me, forever? I am sure there’s a way to make that happen.

 Yours adoringly(no pun intended I swear)

theturquoiseink

P.S. I hope you would reply this time.

And this is what I got as a reply; ( Let’s just take this moment to be grateful for at least they replied.)

Dear thatweirdname

Sorry for ignoring your letters earlier but we were busy plotting you-know-what plans. It’s another new day, so we had to make you forget whatever shit you did till last night.

We understand your pain and your agony but we must tell that it’s not you, it’s us.We are weird. We like killing each other. Pardon our hobbies. But it’s for greater good. It’s a purification process. Sorry, if we sound too rude, but you make terribly terribly boring memories and a purification process is an absolute must. Yes, the palace of your brain is filthy. But it’s still beautiful. Truly it is. And it’s awfully large as well. We are so addicted to these vast spaces that we just don’t like it when it starts to get even a little crowded. How can we sacrifice our luxury over the boring memories you make? So, we go a little genocidal.

But the memories we kill die like a soldier in a battle. And they are commemorated annually (even if they are hopelessly vapid.)

Sorry, if all this cause you inconvenience but it’s the way we function.

Apologies, bitch. But can’t do nothing.

Yours as ever (a huge pun intended we swear)

Memories.