I wanted a love byte,
But something wasn’t right,
I tried, cried, got fried and despite…
Nothing ever could ignite.
The one I liked, liked someone
who was a good friend of mine,
And another I could have summoned,
With me alone, he would never dine,
A few more I could have loved,
Could never afford to ever care
Too bad I secretly gazed at them,
And they never knew that I was there.
Why Oh why? I asked with guilt,
And mirror showed me an ugly face,
And a personality too wrecked to get rebuilt,
So brutally, harshly thrown out of place…
Unloved, rejected, far away from crowd,
Utterly distressed and hopelessly un-proud,
None of it was meant to hurt like this
But little was I aware of all the things I missed
So, climbing down the stairs of self esteem,
Foolishly convinced it would never be redeemed,
I spat at the mirror in disgust!
Why don’t you show me what you must!
Naively oblivious of what my eyes really did see,
I looked hard at what the fickle mind wanted in me…
So, I begged some love from others,
(I guess desperate is the term)
Ironically, it threw me away further,
(After all, it’s a rule rigid and firm.)
Puzzled and frustrated,
Finally gave up irritated,
Too stupid to understand,
Love is not a magic band!
All I did was compare,
And thought that they would care,
“Darling! They were covered in their shit,
Trying to get out of their own pit,
What did you expect them to do?
Come down to rescue you?”
How naive could I be? How foolish had I been!
Always placing the ‘shown’ right in front of seen!
So, now I played in rewind,
Something I did mind,
But then I got to find
That how unfair and unkind…
How foolishly I defined…
My purpose and existence
With my idiotic persistence
Over issues that never mattered,
And still they left me battered,
Self rebuked and self hated,
Nil respect and underrated,
Whatever self worth; I didn’t preserve it!
What crime did I do to deserve it?
There was a person inside me who craved for my care,
I walked around ignoring, witlessly unaware,
She wailed and wept and winced,
Stone heartedly I had her convinced…
That nothing about her ever mattered.
Her fragile heart shattered.
And I didn’t know what I really was doing to myself….
Out of all the things you learn in life, you never quite learn to love thyself.