humour

A song of blood and fire.

 

We were originally nomadic. We traveled from places to places in search of food. Sometimes, we had to face most severe form of droughts and sometimes many of us would starve to death. But that was our life. Amidst all the blues we kept our hopes alive.

And one day, one fine day our sun arrived. We finally found the land of our dreams; the haunted black forest. The term “haunted” was awfully misleading. The black forest wasn’t haunted. It was the treasure land! Abundant with food, places to eat, sleep and make merriment. It was the perfect home where our kids could grow up.

The forest was covered with dense tall black branchless trees. Our food was the liquid that we obtained from the ground. It was red and rich with nutrients. It didn’t even require cooking. We used to consume it raw. And it was delicious. We were on heaven!

The word haunted soon got lost in the scent of our comfortable and luxurious lives and the warnings that our elders had given about this mysterious and beautiful land started appearing hopelessly absurd and impossible.

It was our beautiful perfect home.

Until that day.

That day we got to know that our elders weren’t kidding.

That day we got to know why the forest was called haunted.

That day we got to know that our heaven was actually a hell.

What happened that day?

The forest responded back. And it was an apocalypse.

None of us got to know what it was. It was too swift. Before we could respond or even figure out what to do, many of us went missing. They never came back. And from that day our days of merriment got dissolved in the mist of woes.

We didn’t know how to fight. We were helpless. Watching ourselves being driven out of our own home or so called home seemed so unfair but what we couldn’t do anything.

We just waited and waited for our own turns to come.

And one day I was chosen to take that inevitable flight.

At one instant I was at the ground, feeding and in another instant I was at this strange land. It was like I got caught up in a tornado and was thrown to some other place far far away. Before I could figure out what had happened my heart broke into million pieces. I was looking at the dead bodies of my fellow mates, my wives and my children.

I had to run to them, look if they were alive, save them somehow but I didn’t know how to do that!

I was no doctor!

I was no god to bring dead back to lives.

But yet… But yet I ran. I ran to them bearing a useless hope that they might be alive. Oh! But my cruel fate!

As I was running, a thing began to chase me. I didn’t know what it was. It resembled something that I had once heard about in a story that my grandma used to tell. According to her, that thing was the hand of a giant. And also she used to believe that haunted black forest was not actually a forest but the head of a giant.

Head of a giant? Sounds like a miserable joke? Doesn’t it?

And yet when I saw those unusually big pair of hands with weird branched structures in them, I knew that those tales were not merely some fiction. They were real.

I was running as fast as I could, trying desperately to save my life but soon I was caught by that hand.

It held me and took me close to its giant face.

It was huge.

That gigantic pair of eyes were looking at me. And when I looked back at them I knew I was going to die because all I saw was contempt.

I looked at my dead children, brothers and wives for one last time. There was a smile on my face because even if I had managed to survive what could have I done without them?

I looked at those large pair of eyes.

And then I was crushed.

Obviously I died.

Author’s note;

Have you ever at some point in your life found yourself in an unexpected war with these tiny little creatures called lice?

( Is that really what the whole shitty story above was all about?

Yup.)

whatthefuck

They invaded our scalp like it was their father’s property. Bit it, pooped on it, laid eggs on it and lived like they owned it.

Lice trespass our property and make it their home. Their lust for blood is so intoxicating that they forget that what they are doing is quite illegal and would eventually lead to gruesome consequences. Their own foolishness and greed and blood lust lead to their mass slaughter.

The battle begins when you too arrive unannounced with the anti-lice thinly spaced comb to wipe your enemies out along with anti lice shampoo and oil. You take them out and you kill each one of them.

How long the fight goes is never fixed. It can extend up to weeks or days depending upon whether they have already used one of their most deadly weapons;

Eggs.

Extra note on lice eggs:

They are stuck to your hair strands with such a dreadfully adhesive matter that no shampoo can ever wash them away. They need to be plucked by hands and that’s a painful job. If you have nobody in your vicinity who can do that for you and then you know that your battle is prolonged. You will have to fight every day till every egg has been hatched and then murdered.

No matter how frequently they keep coming back to win. The thing is – lice essentially are dumb creatures. They suck blood out of our brain day and night and yet get nothing of any our brainy talents. They are too foolish to live.

While fighting for this battle even with the inevitable victory ahead, we do get to lose something. Hair strands fall off, there are rashes on necks and ears, there is this massive itching and then of course there is this untouchablity thingy.

The period is painful.

But anyway, the point is-

Fuck you Lice; we were the giants your grandmothers used to talk about.

Author’s note on author’s note;

Writing a post on lice is a weird thing to do but the author is weird herself. Also she had had her own set of painful experiences with lice and she ought to express it some way! Doesn’t she? Doesn’t she?

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